


Lamentations

by Missy_dee811



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Sex, Insomniac Tony Stark, Inspired By Tumblr, Love Confessions, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Original Character(s), Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, POV Steve Rogers, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Past Relationship(s), Sleepy Cuddles, Steve Feels, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 07:38:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16404122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy_dee811/pseuds/Missy_dee811
Summary: As he moved through the penthouse, all his thoughts were on Tony. How much he had missed him, how much he wanted to touch him.How alive he made him feel.





	Lamentations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starvels (dinosaur)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosaur/gifts).



> This was inspired by an ask I had received, but morphed into its own thing.

The doors of the elevator close. All is quiet. He wonders if Tony’s slept in their bed in the time he was gone. Wonders if he just spent the few hours he shut his eyes in the small cot in his workshop.

The penthouse is immaculate, as always.

 

“My housekeeper knows me very well,” had said Tony. Steve hadn’t said a word, but Tony just knew where his thoughts were. It should scare him and, in the past, would’ve.

“She’s one of about five people who would never sell me out.” He laughed. To Steve, it sounded as if he had considered this before and knowing what he knew, surely, he had.

He stood behind the sofa, his fingers pushing into the cushions. “She’s seen quite a lot over the years. I’d apologize, but there’s no use.”

Steve stood there watching him, watching him talk, watching him move. He couldn’t have imagined this being his life. Couldn’t have imagined this splendor.

He thought about that woman, wondered what she was like.

 

He was leaving a little later than usual one day, when he heard her come in. She had let herself in using her own code. Steve was only momentarily surprised.

“Oh, Mr. Steven, I didn’t think you’d still be here,” she said, a little out of breath. She was carrying a few bags. They looked like groceries. Steve wondered if she had bought those for herself. If she had been planning on keeping them in the fridge until it was time for her to head back home.

He stopped his train of thought and reached out to help. He made his way forward and took the bags from her hand.

“Oh, thank you,” she replied. On second thought, she added, “In the kitchen, please.”

When he had settled them on the counter, he realized she had followed him.

She eyed him curiously. “You’re not as muscular as you look on TV.”

Steve smiled softly. It was a true but rare comment and he didn’t know what to make of it.

 _Observant_. He remembered what Tony had said about her seeing things over the years and wondered what he had meant by that. He knew Tony was a very private person.

Oh sure, he knew the tabloids would publish whatever they found, be it reputable or not. It was their business to sell magazines and have people click on their webpages; they weren’t interested in his reputation. He also knew that many of the things they said were in fact grounded in truth. But he also knew that Tony wasn’t shy about those things. He hadn’t been, not for a long time. Growing up under the spotlight, as he had said, made one more comfortable with its blinding light.

But Steve knew Tony was never truly comfortable under the watchful eye of America’s grocery aisle, though he had feigned it enough as a young adult that some of that confidence seeped in.

Nevertheless, as would most people, he wanted to keep what happened between him and other consenting adults within them, and only them. That was less the case now than it had been years ago, decades even.

Either way, Steve wondered if Tony had been thinking about something else when he made that passing comment. He knew Tony hated being vulnerable most of all. If she had seen him at his most vulnerable, well, he could see why he’d trust her.

“I’m Sonia,” she said as Steve shook her outstretched hand. It was enough to pull him away from his thoughts.

“Mr. Tony has told me much about you. He’s been my client for many years. He’s a very good man.”

Steve nodded in agreement but didn’t add. Would she know why he was here, would she know who they were to each other? The answer seemed obvious, but he didn’t want to be presumptuous.

“I best get started and you’d best be going,” she said.

She was giving Steve an excuse, a reason to leave, to get going. He was both touched and thankful. He didn’t wish to linger, unsure what to say or how to comport, and besides, he needed to leave. His day was already starting later than usual.

He waved goodbye.

In the elevator, he thought about her, and only later would he think to mention it to Tony.

 

One day, he was waiting for Tony with Pepper; they had made dinner plans. Carol and Rhodey had been invited, but were unable to join them.

They were sitting on the stools in the kitchen. Steve had spent many a morning watching Tony struggle with making an omelet while sitting in the very seat he currently occupied.

 

“I know you don’t believe me, but I do know how to make these, I just… can’t… seem…”

He sighed, putting down the spatula on the edge of the burner (“I am many things, but a believer in electric stoves I am not,” he had said, with a finality Steve wouldn’t have believed from someone who didn’t do much, if any, of his own cooking), pushing his glasses back onto his face. Steve didn’t have the heart to tell him that he just loved watching him cook and didn’t care if he ever made the perfect omelet so long as he didn’t stop cooking half dressed, looking more delicious and delectable than even his favorite pastry.

He’d work up the courage eventually, in the meantime, they’d order takeout and Steve would get an extra few seconds of watching those hands at work.

 

Steve and Pepper had sat and chatted, catching up. Steve gave her the chance to vent her frustrations, first with her board, and then with Tony. She was never truly frustrated, but her job was quite demanding, and she and Tony didn’t necessarily see eye-to-eye on the minutiae of things.

“You have to understand, he’s brilliant. Absolutely, but sometimes he’s wrong. He must know that, he just doesn’t want to hear it.”

Steve knew that feeling all too well. He was the Avengers’ tactical leader.

After that, they had sat in companionable silence as Pepper tapped away on her phone’s screen. Surely, answering one of the hundreds of emails she received. Sonia had come into the kitchen only a little while later. She had been finishing up in the master bedroom, which she always left for last.

“Always so good to see you, Ms. Virginia,” said Sonia, as she gathered her things. Pepper lowered her phone, placing it on the countertop. She had turned to face Sonia and smiled. Some of the earlier agitation dissipating.

Steve had rarely heard people call her Virginia. It was her name, and he knew that. To her employees, she was Ms. Potts, but even the press had started calling her Pepper. Though they never said or meant it with the fondness Tony did.

 

“I will always love her,” he had said to Steve one night he was feeling particularly sentimental.

He would always love Peggy too, so he understood and didn’t judge.

 

When she had left, Pepper turned to Steve.

“She battled cancer. She had told me she needed a day off to go to the doctor, and I’d given it to her.”

She picked up her phone again and looked at the time before setting it back down.

“I had to tell Tony, of course. Later that day, he had me drop off her check. The next time she came, he waited for her. She was so worried, she thought she was being dismissed. He had to calm her down and reassure her that wasn’t the case. All he said to her was, ‘Your life means more to me. I will take care of it.’

“He meant it. I continued making the deposits on his behalf. He found out where she was getting her treatments and paid for them in advance. Started donating to the charity that had been helping her. If I’m not mistaken, he still donates to them.

“When the cancer went into remission, he sent her a large bouquet of flowers. She had called him crying; we weren’t even in New York, but he had answered. Said she’d come back to work once she was able. She kept her word, but Tony wouldn’t have cared. He would’ve kept paying her.”

She pushed her hair behind her ear. Steve hadn’t noticed, but she had three piercings. It wasn’t uncommon; he’d seen plenty of people with all sorts of piercings just waiting for the subway, but he hadn’t noticed it on her before. The detail had escaped him.

It made him wonder about her layers. Though he shouldn’t, knowing it wasn’t his place, he wondered how much of her life she had shared with Tony. He wondered if she had had her moments of vulnerability before him as Tony had had on that night he told him he still loved her, and the countless other nights they had stayed awake talking about their fathers.

She was always so posh and polished, this seemed rebellious.

“He would never publicize something like this. Those donations are made through the Foundation, and though the Foundation is his, it’s not under his name. He prefers it this way.”

Steve let that linger in his mind. He often struggled with what Tony preferred in these circumstances, but he didn’t give voice to his concerns.

“As Iron Man, he goes to the children’s hospital and brings them whatever they could want. He sits with them. Talks to them about flying, about cars, about technology. It’s amazing to watch someone like him sit with children and converse in their language, in a way they can relate.”

Steve hadn’t seen him with children before, just the one-off instance of a child at an amusement park. He wondered if Tony had ever wanted kids of his own.

“Tony’s no stranger to being in hospitals and he hates it, hates everything about them, but these children, they have no other choice, and some of them may never leave,” finished Pepper somberly.

 

As he moved through the penthouse, all his thoughts were on Tony. How much he had missed him, how much he wanted to touch him.

How alive he made him feel.

He opened the door to their bedroom and paused. The bathroom light was still on. Tony was probably getting ready for bed. This would be a late night for anyone else, but for Tony this was still early.

Steve came in, deposited his shield next to the armchair they kept by the window, from which he would sketch the city’s skyline and command Tony during their scenes. He started unfastening the buckles.

He knew Tony liked this part, liked doing it himself but he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be in the bathroom and though he would knock, he was more interested in climbing into bed than he was on anything else. He was tired. Much too tired to wait for him to get out of the bathroom. Furthermore, he had spent so many hours in the uniform, the last thing he wanted was to spend another second.

He wanted to put on that lounge pants Tony had bought him last Christmas and slide into bed, hoping Tony would join him soon. He wanted to touch him, hold him.

Tony emerged just as Steve was putting on a thin cotton undershirt.

“Steve,” said Tony, quietly. He sounded sleepy. Perhaps he had gone to bed early and had woken up. He was wearing a silk robe, loosely tied in front, and nothing else.

 

Tony had been sleeping in the nude since he was a teenager. He kept the temperature in the room warm enough for Steve to feel comfortable sleeping shirtless.

He had teased Steve, at first. Told him he slept naked, so he would always be ready to do naughty things.

“In the morning, or the middle of the night, whatever suits you. You have my tacit approval. You don’t even have to wake me up. I’d kind of like that. Waking up to your lips around my dick or your dick deep inside me.”

He threw his head back onto the pillows and took a deep breath. “God, that would be fantastic.”

Steve was slightly concerned, but he knew Tony loved relinquishing control in bed. Loved being at the mercy of his lover.

It was still some time before Steve learned of the real answer. The why behind the nakedness.

“I spend so little time in my own skin,” Tony had said. It was so simple. He shouldn’t have had to ask.

 

“Yes,” said Steve turning to face him. He wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. Tony melted into his embrace. It seemed Steve wasn’t the only one in need of a hug.

“God, I missed you,” said Steve, running his hand through Tony’s hair. _Did he get a haircut while I was gone?_

Pulling away to get a look at his face, Tony said, “I’m right here, love.”

He ran his fingers along his jaw. Steve’s beard never grew in as full as Tony’s did, but it usually didn’t matter. He shaved it off so often; the mission had gone on longer than expected, and he hadn’t been able to wash up, let alone shave. His stubble was growing in.

“You’re finally home,” said Tony, an exaltation.

“I can’t sleep without you,” he confessed. It sounded like such a sin coming from his lips.

He wanted to take him apart. Maybe later, in the morning, when he was well rested. He knew Tony was plagued with insomnia.

“I want to do so many things to you right now, but most of all, I want to sleep next you, our legs intertwined,” said Steve, surprising himself.

Tony smiled. “I can do that love. I can do that for as long as you want.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can reblog its post on [Tumblr](http://viudanegraaa.tumblr.com/post/179450665476/lamentations-missydee811-marvel-cinematic).


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